I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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