I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
