Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
