She's JV to your varsity
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
