awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
