is your mom at the bar?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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