I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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