oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
