just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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