I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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