pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's blow job season.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
