I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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