just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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