I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
third nipple confirmed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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