meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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