he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
