Sry I called you an 8
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
