I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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