Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
