so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize