Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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