I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
