either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
