They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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