she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
