Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
