shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
