I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
