so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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