Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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