i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
