People with herpes should wear stickers.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
