"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
