If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
