dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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