Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
