You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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