Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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