She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my poor anus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
