we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
