weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
