I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
