Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
