So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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