LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
