i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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