My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
