So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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