I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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