i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You made out with two different species that night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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