i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
