Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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