It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
