if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I look better un-naked...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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