We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
