So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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