what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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