super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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