His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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