My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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