You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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