Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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