pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
